To read Part 1, go here
We’ve threatened it before and it’s become a compelling fantasy. But what if, just what if we actually carried through with it? What would earnestly happen in this day and age? We find it hard to believe that men in white coats would suddenly appear to haul us away. Jail? Standard old jail time? Perhaps, but that’s another fantasy all together and direly similar to our current and indelible cube situation.
We would dearly love to try it. It’s no mystery (as you can see from the forthcoming title). Yes! We want to show up to work and attempt to perform the dreaded, menial and repetitive tasks so graciously bestowed upon us, whilst dawning a very, and yes we do mean VERY (at least relatively so), large pair of Minnie Mouse hands.
To be quite honest, we’ve searched online and haven’t yet come up with much outside shoddy, standard glove size mitten-esque style mouse hands. Very disappointing! But we’re sure they must be out there. We’d even be wiling to find someone to custom make them for us. Who would that be anyway? Do specialty mitten makers exist, so that we can carry out this premeditated perversion?
So could it be done? If for nothing else but to watch our boss make a nervous and slightly missangled b-line for our desk and utter the very words, so cautiously placed with a slight quiver and puppy-like head tilt: “I’m going to need to ask you to remove the mouse hands.” Oh what enviable joy!
The fantasy however, is mostly within the realm of what the calendaring and expense report processing situation would become, if we were to wear the mouse gloves. And what would those men about the office, those drones that wear nothing more than a light blue dress shirt, top button undone with dark slacks and dark shoes, they all look the same, how would they react? When they spot me at the copy machine, veraciously pounding away with the mouse hands, trying so desperately to enter in my username and password! We’re certain they know nothing about a veracious pounding, and we’ll kindly leave it at that.
Also, we just love the thought of becoming so incapacitated, via the very large hands, that we’d not be able to correctly reserve conference rooms for the many staff we support and send them to all corners of the sky scrapper, incorrectly of course and imagine them reeling in such a panicked fuss, causing them to miss their pointless updates and clustering sessions. What a tragedy. If too, afternoon snacks such as soft pretzels and paninis were to show up for the early morning briefing with high-level external clients, and vice-a-versa, well that would truly be the titular cherry on the non-fat icing.
As we said before, we wouldn’t mind a momentary stint in jail due to insubordination and resistance to disciplinary correction with a dash of histrionics mixed in, just for something different. The guards would be called in and surely haul us off. And it would be mildly amusing to make an appearance before the bail bondsman, with said hands.
So in short, the basic premiss is this: Show up to the office and attempt to perform your job, while wearing a very large pair of Minnie Mouse hands. We highly recommend you try it, even if only once. If you disagree, for a more graceful alternative, there’s always the ears…